Funny Marijuana Seeds to Flowers Growing Guide

Get Started

Get some marijuana seeds. If you haven't started now get too it. Lots of people save their marijuana seeds on a tray they stole from a cafeteria or a frisbee of course. No need to pay them for them. Tell them they are for a friend. People get busted because they tell a friend in strict confidence, who tells a friend in strict confidence etc etc.

Pot Seeds

You cannot judge a marijuana seed by it's cover. Squeeze a seed gently and if it breaks, it was harvested before the seeds matured. Get as large of a variety of cannabis seeds as possible. Seeds from dirt weed look sometimes just like the marijuana seeds of primo killer mo-jo weed, so get a large variety of seeds. Try not to mix them together. Lots of time people will save cannabis seeds from especially killer weed. Just get them already.

Get Some Containers to Start the cannabis seeds in

When you buy small flowers to plant outdoors at a garden store, save the 6-pack plastic trays they come it. Preferably with the plastic tray still underneath. Tell the neighbors who ask that you're going to start some pepper plants or something if you bum off others.
Another excellent container is the 2 liter bottle with cut in half at the waist. These are free, a good way to recycle, and work well even for large plants. You can get tons on recycling day if your city recycles, or you can go to an apartment complex and raid the dumpsters. Don't jump in one though because it may be full of bees, body parts, baby shit, or diabetic hypodermic needles from a gay nazi elvis fan who has aids.

Get some dirt.

Get a large bag of top soil (not potting soil from Kmart). Get top soil at like a farm store the first time. Hyponex is shitty and overpriced and it turns into mud too easily. You want soil with balls. Use Bagged commercial soil for starting weed seeds. Wild dirt (from outside your house) is bad because it has bugs in it. Weed is very pest resistant and you will never have to spray chemicals on weed to protect it from pests other than maybe soap and water to rinse a few bugs off sometime. However, very young seedlings are VERY fragile. The worst enemy of seedlings is those little bugs that roll into a ball when you touch them. They are harmless to plants, probably beneficial to healthy plants, but they will bite the base of a seedling and topple it over like a little DEA lumber jack. Very bad. Get a big bag of soil from a garden store or farm market. NOT hyponex MUD.

Drainage

It's better if you allow SOME drainage from your seed starting containers. If you use 2 liter bottles cut in half at the waist, poke a hole in the bottom of each container by STABBING it violently with a sharp screw driver. A screw driver with the tip ground into a sharp point works great! If you use the regular seed starter things try using very small holes in the bottom tray which may already be there.

Sprinkle in the dirt gently.

Fill the seed starter containers with dirt, very gently, by sprinkling the dirt into the pots or seed starter things by holding you hand over top of the container and gently letting the dirt fall slowly and evenly into place. No need to pack the dirt, but you should sprinkle the dirt in such a way to break up any dirt clods or clumps before letting them fall into the containers. Don't fill them completely.
Make holes for the marijuana seeds

Use a pencil. Preferably a number two pencil that says "Property Of The Federal Government" or a regular one if you can't get on of those. Poke a small hole into the soil in each seed container, maybe three holes if you are using 2 liter bottles.
Make each hold no deeper than than an inch. A good way is to use a sharp pencil, and poke it into the soil until the soil is even with the place where the raw sharp wood ends and the yellow paint begins, which is about an inch. No rocket science required here.

Drop in the cannabis seeds

Drop one, (if it's for sure killer diller shit) two or three marijuana seeds into each hole. Make sure your hands are dry first. A folded piece of paper may help if you have a ton of seeds to plant, letting the seeds roll down like a chute. If you miss don't panic.

Cover the seeds

Again with the dirt, sprinkle a final thin covering of fine soil (no giant clods or turds this time please) over the entire thing so the dirt looks even and you can't see any of the pot seeds.
Water them before putting on the covers.
Water them good, but don't have them floating either. You want sufficient humidity but you don't want them to drown either. A even sprinkle with a watering can works great, an atomizer will take all fucking day.

Put on the covers

Cover the seed starting kit with it's hard plastic cover. You may poke a few holes in the cover if you want so you can sprinkle water on top later and have water slowly drip down inside.
If using two liters cut in half at the waist, cover them with saran wrap and put a piece of masking tape around to hold it down tight. Poke two or three small holes in the plastic with your magic pencil thing. So you can water them later without removing the plastic.

Where do you set them

In the sun or partial sun is best, under a fluorescent light is good too. Regular incandescent light (bulbs) is too fucking hot. AND ON THE DIRT, OR A TRAY TO CATCH THE DRIPPING WATER of course. Do NOT let them dry out. (if they're too wet mold will form)

Get some good lights

High Pressure sodium lights, or metal halide lights work great. Try a 400watt or smaller high pressure sodium or metal halide lighting setup. You can order them from mail order companies cheaper than you can buy them at the downtown electrical supply house.
In a pinch, you can line a closet size area with tin foil and stand as many AND AS LONG (long is better) flourescent fixtures everywhere you can.
People that are growing marijuana indoors use High Pressure Sodium lights, which are those street lights that are orange in color. Or Metal Halide which a few bucks cheaper but just as good probably. Metal Halide lights are white in color but better quality light than the average street light. Get a light that's 400 watts or less. Use care in constructing a grow room and you would do good to consult good books on the subject by Ed Rosenthal (books by phone Berkeley California, call 1-800-information operator to get the Books by phone address etc.)
Never use regular incandescent light bulbs (regular screw in) those little screw in grow lights they sell at Kmart suck too. Don't waste your money, use fluorescents if you can't afford the good stuff.

Air ventilation

Get a small cheap fan so you always have a small amount of air circulating in your grow area.

Air ventilation, safety and other stuff

If you grow indoors with big lights, you need safe air ventilation to suck heat out of the room. Don't blow up your house for Christ's sake. A thermostat controlled exhaust fan will work. Get one through the mail from a indoor gardening mail order speciality place. There's a good one that's in East Lansing michican, another one in Shepherdsville Kentucky.

Light timers

Get ones big enough to handle the power you are using. For growing plants, leave the lights on 24 hours a day. For flowering plants YES! use a timer so it's dark 12 hours and light for 12 hours.

Fertilizer

Use Rapid-Gro Fertilizer has 3 numbers on the label First number - Middle Number - last number For strong healthy growth when the lights are on 24 hours a day to
see how big the plants can get, use a fertilizer with a high first number. 19-19-19 is good. etc.
For strong flowers (buds) when the lights are on 12 and off 12 hours, use a fertilizer with a high MIDDLE number. 12-17-12 something like that.
Rapid-gro fertilizer has been specially formulated for growing marijuana plants. This is no secret to marijuana farmers. They're high middle number fertilizer is called. Bud builders or something like that.

Security

Need to know basis. People who are stoned always tell their friends about their buddies grow room including location and everything. This is way marijuana growers are so fucking paranoid, they can't even trust themselves. Don't kill anybody I guess is the rule to follow. If you're a hillbilly ignoramus you probably wouldn't be able to read this though.

When to fertilize

Try using regular water one watering and fertilized water the next one. Mix fertilized water with one giant tablespoon per gallon (milk jug) of water. Water when the soil is dry and begins to crack slightly. Water more when starting small plants.

Get them as big as possible.

When they start to grow you may have to move them to bigger containers. However you can grow marijuana using fertilizer in surprising small containers, although they may get a little top heavy after a while. A can of house paint would be an ideal container size. Don't use metal containers though. Wait until they are root bound before transplanting. Avoid transplanting seedlings because they are VERY VERY fragile. Let the plants grow as big as possible giving them as much light as possible. Grow as many as possible.

Tell them to BUD YES YES!

When you have tons of plants growing like a fucking vietnamese jungle, it's time to bud them. Keep a watch out for buds even before you take them off 24 hours of light and put them on 12/12 light/dark.
When you're ready to start buds, the big giant leaves will have started to turn brown and falling off a little bit. Now is the time to put the light timers on 12/12 light/dark and begin to use a high middle number fertilizer. When giant leaves begin to fall off help them off. Save these "sun" leaves to smoke with your drunken buddies.
A few days after you adjust the lights to 12/12 and the fertilizer to high middle number, they will start to bud. You are now ready to murder half of your plants.

Kill the males

When you notice any plant develop male reproductive organs, cut it down by cutting the trunk at the base with big wire cutters. DO NOT shake the plant, make one clean cut and remove it gently and put it in the bottom of a distant closet on newspapers or something to dry out. Male sex organs on male plants are like little tiny bags that contain pollen (plant sperm) that is carried by the winds when the male sex organs get mature or dry out. Carefully check the plants daily. Half the plants will be female. When you think it's time to harvest (don't ask how long, they will tell you) begin with the less beautiful females. Females have beautiful white flowers. Let the healthiest most killer looking females grow as long as possible and harvest VERY slowly starting with the less healthy less big budded females. Short Squat females are best for indoors. Tall is hard to manage. Pot plants range in height from 2 feet (hybrids and central asian) to like 18 feet for good mexican weed.
Save a few of the best females for your personal stash. Clip only one healthy bud at a time. Cut the bud up with scissors and lay it in the bottom of a clean wooden dresser drawer to dry. If you find a seed in your weed PLANT IT!
Pretty soon people will come over all the time to bum weed. Kill them if possible. When you run out you will learn who your real friends are. This is for information purposes only (or course).